Reydon Stanford Counseling Studies

HOME | ADDRESSING STRESS | RECEIVE UPDATES!!! | MAKING EFFECTIVE CHANGES | THE PAIN OF GRIEF | THE SELF ESTEEM KILLER | THE RUNAWAY MIND | EXPENDING NERVOUS ENERGY | Delusional Thinking | LETTING GO OF LOST LOVE | "Conformity: Self-Esteem Killer" | THE PASSIONLESS MARRIAGE | ADDICTIONS | SELF-INDUCED STRESS | LOW SELF-ESTEEM | STRESS RELIEF | THE PAIN OF REJECTION | RELATIONSHIP DIFFICULTIES | NOTE TO PASTORAL COUNSELORS | DEPRESSION | LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE | ANXIETY | FEAR AND MANIA | MENTAL ILLNESS | GUILT AND SELF-CONDEMNATION | BITTERNESS | PARENTING ISSUES | *LONELINESS* | EMOTIONAL TURMOIL | COUNSELOR'S PAGE (FOR COUNSELORS) | DIVORCE RECOVERY | GRIEF RECOVERY | PERSONALITY ISSUES | About Reydon | Contact Info | Disclaimer | WHY AM I SO ANGRY?

webassets/FullSizeRender.jpg


reydonstanford@gmail.com
 
Find Reydon Stanford on FACEBOOK 

QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS  COMMENTS AND ANSWERS

Archive Newer       

8/30/2007

"Laughter Is Contagious"


Have you ever been in a situation where you've become 'just tired enough' that the slightest thing seems un-naturally funny? 

In those times a goofy gesture, or small joke or even a crude sound can get your 'tickle-box' reved up to the breaking point.  When it happens there is little you can do to contain the laughter that follows.  When the giggle box gets started...it becomes contagious and most people can't help but join in. (Of course there is always a sour-puss in the crowd).

I remember once that while I was serving as the Church pianist, someone requested that Sister Rubylee (name changed to protect the innocent) sing a special song.  It was a small Church and I was surprised that I'd never heard Rubylee sing before.  Soon after the song began I understood why.

Now, I don't consider myself to be a vocal virtuoso either, but this poor soul actually sounded like someone was letting the air flow slowly out of a screeching balloon.  It was the most unpleasant sound I think I've ever heard.  It had been a long day...and I got tickled.  Since the piano faced the crowd, I did my absolute best not to lose my composure. I certainly didn't want to embarrass her...or myself.

I was doing fine till I made eye contact with a friend in the congregation who looked directly at me and made a silly face.

At that point there was no turning back.  I lowered my head and "imploded."  I snickered until tears were pouring down my cheeks.
Sadly, the Pastor thought it was because the song was "blessing or touching me," and after that he would call on her regularly.  I've laughed about it for over thirty years.

I've also noticed that yawning is contagious.  Give it a try sometime.  If you're sitting in a busy waiting room or something, just keep making yawning gestures and see how many people you can lure into the trap.

Come to think of it, there are other things that are just as contagious...things like gossip, judging, bigotry, self-righteousness and such.  Things that are in no way funny.  It's actually quite sad how easily some people fall for that trap.

I remember one Christmas when Joshua was about four years old.  We had taken him to a Mall to do Christmas shopping and the mall was beautifully decorated with the Santa theme.  I watched as Joshua wondered over to look at a giant teddy bear that was talking and moving.  Soon he was joined by another boy about his same age and before long they were laughing together, putting their arms around each other and just having a big time...together.  Josh and the other child were from different races.  It did'nt seem to matter one iota to either of them.

At that moment the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "Bigotry is learned through contagious words, it is not born!" 

How true it is.  So many people in our society seem to think that they are better, smarter, wiser and so forth than others around them.  What they don't realize is that (beyond being dead wrong), they have contracted a deadly spiritual disease.  They were around someone who was contagious with selfish bigotry and it rubbed off on them.

My prayer for myself, my family and our Church is that we become contagious.  Not with gossip, bigotry, self-righteousness, self wisdom and so forth...but contagious with love, laughter, kindness and goodness.  Remember what Jesus said, "By this shall all men know that you are My disciples...by the love you show one another."  In other words, true love is contagious.

Finally, I want you to know that I always loved Sister Rubylee.  She was funny, lighthearted, kind and a good example of Christian charity.  I just couldn't play the piano for her with a straight face.  Maybe someday I'll grow up.

My Love,

Reydon
11:58 pm cdt 

8/24/2007

STRESS: MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL TURMOIL
If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you've probably heard or read this scripture: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  You've probably also read, "Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will put on..."  Sounds easy enough...so why is it so hard to "let go and let God?"

As a Christian Counselor, I've seen a lot of people struggling with stress.  They are typically frightened, worried, anxious, depressed and exhausted.  Not a pretty picture.  I've suffered with all of those emotions and know firsthand how painful they can be.

So why do we find ourselves stressed out to the point of breaking?  In a word: expectation.

We live in a world that is constantly placing expectations upon us...and what they don't put on us...we put on ourselves.  Many of these expectations are simply unrealistic.  When we are faced with expectations we can't meet, we begin to fret, which leads to stress, which leads to anxiety or depression.

I've seen mothers get up way before everyone else to do housecleaning, laundry, prepare meals, set appointments, make meetings, do the shopping, serve as 'room mother,' go to the gym for a short workout, go to the bank, figure the bills and then try to make a menu and prepare the evening meal. 

Then it happens...the phone rings and someone needs a batch of brownies for a school function and mom snaps! 

Why?  Why is she suddenly shouting at the kids, threatening divorce from her confused husband and swinging wildy at the family dog?  Why is she suddenly using vocabulary that she'd wash out her kids mouths with soap for?  The answer is: Emotional and Mental Gravity.

Do you know what happens when you step on a grape?  It explodes under the gravitation pull of the human standing on top of it.  Humans are no different when it comes to emotional and mental gravity.

This is a condition where unrealistic expectations are placed upon a person to the point of mental, physical and emotional explosion.  Every weightlifter has his limit.  There comes a point where even the addition of a single pound becomes too much and he can no longer lift the weight.  The same is true with us on a mental and emotional level.

We live in the most technologically advanced society in the history of the Earth yet we have become the most mentally and emotionally worn society in history.  We have learned to do, do, do, do, do...until we feel completely guilty when we don't do...or can't do.

Who is the person to blame in most cases for our stress?  Ourselves.

I remember in the early days of my ministry that I had become so stressed out from the overwhelming needs of people I was being asked to help.  I would feel completely guilty if I couldn't get to everyone at anytime they wanted or needed their pastor.

Worn out and depressed I cried out to God, "You promised me You wouldn't put more on me than I could bear!" I said angrily.  "What you've got on you boy, I didn't put there!" came a soft voice inside my heart.  Oh.

He was right.  I was allowing my own 'guilt' to empower me instead of His Spirit.  Instead of feeling good about my accomplishments I was getting bitter.  I was allowing people or guilt to control my day, instead of God. 

I immediately decided that I would have to set office hours and ask people to abide by them if they needed me...unless it was a true emergency.  It didn't go over very well with some, but others were happy to see me getting some rest.

The other day my wife Sharla came in from a new job, exhausted.  Worried about her weight, (imagine that ladies), she told me she was going to walk on the treadmill.  I looked at her thinking...that could be dangerous in your condition.  I told her I didn't want her to do that...I wanted her to rest.  "You look great...just rest," I told her.  Immediately, the stress went out of her face and she sat down and watched a movie with me.  It was that simple.

Brothers and sisters, please hear me.  You need rest.  This world demands a lot from us, but you have a 'weight limit.'  To try and go over that limit will result in stress, anxiety, depression or sickness.  Don't allow it.  Only you can decide how much you can handle and when you need to rest.  You might have to learn to say the first word you ever heard as a toddler...NO.

Can't get right to your e-mail...it'll wait.  Can't get all the laundry done at once...do enough for the next day and then shut the door to the rest.  Can't get the brownies made...politely take a raincheck.  In other words...take care of yourself today...tomorrow will take care of itself.

Blessings,

Reydon

4:30 pm cdt 

8/21/2007

"FREE HUGS"
I don't know if anyone of you has seen the videos from the "Free Hugs Campaign," but I just watched a couple on www.youtube.com.

I have to tell you they are some of the most incredible things I've seen.  It made me curious so I went to the original website and learned more about how the campaign started. 

To make a long story short, a young man returned to Australia alone, broken and lonely.  As he departed the plane he watched as other people were greeted with hugs and smiles from family and friends.  He didn't have anyone.  So...

He found a piece of cardboard and scribbled in big letters: "Free Hugs," and then went to the busiest street he could find, holding the sign high above his head.  For a long time people just simply ignored him.  Finally, a lady who had lost both a daughter and her family dog to death reached out to him...accepted his hug and walked away smiling.  Soon others were approaching him accepting his free hugs.

What started on that street in Australia has now expanded around the globe with "Free Hugs Campaign."  The videos show hundreds of people connecting with one another for just a few seconds.  As I said, it's one of the most incredible things I've seen.  I admit I watched with tears in my eyes.

Perhaps it's because I've been there too...lonely, broken and alone.  In fact, the world is full of people just like that.  I counsel them all the time.  It's amazing what a simple hug can do to make someone feel wanted and needed.

In our Church alone I've seen what compassion, understanding and hugs can accomplish.  Our membership consists of rich, poor, educated, non-educated, red, brown, yellow, black and white.  It's the thing in my life I'm most proud of, shy of my immediate family.  In fact, someone once made the comment, "Reydon will just let anyone into that Church!"  They meant it as a nasty remark, but I took it as a compliment.

Jesus said, "By this shall all men know that you are My disciple...BY THE LOVE YOU SHOW ONE ANOTHER."  Free hugs...that's a great start.  Not sure who this guy is, but from what I see, he might be a saint.

Here's a free hug to you from me, via the world-wide web!  Jesus loves you and I love you.  If you feel alone, broken and sad today, please remember that.

If you'd like to see some of the videos I mentioned, you can go to www.youtube.com  and then type "Free Hugs" into the search slot.  May seem quirky to you...hope not.

11:38 pm cdt 

8/19/2007

"NO BUBBA, RATTLESNAKES IN CHURCH ARE NOT A GOOD THING"
I once heard an interview with Country Music Hall-of-Fame member Dolly Parton where she told of singing in a Church where they "take up the serpent."

Apparently, when she was younger Dolly sang in a gospel group with some of her siblings and travelled throughout the Smokey Mountains singing in tiny 'Hillbilly Churches.'  She remembered fondly how her dad, who never learned to read or write, loved to hear his children sing.  Unable to bring himself into actually entering a Church service he would stand outside and listen to his kids sing through an open window.  I can totally understand that, because I have kids of my own.

On one particular evening they were singing in a backwoods church when, unbeknown to them, several people slipped behind them on the stage and brought out some rattlesnakes and began to handle them to prove their faith.  Dolly said "one minute we were singing and the next minute I saw my daddy coming down the aisle speaking in tongues...and it wasn't the Holy kind!"  He was saying, "Get those 'blankety, blank, blank' snakes away from my kids!"

You see, this is evidence that anytime we "focus" on a single verse of scripture or "misinterpret" that scripture or take it out of context, the results can be...well...deadly.

In truth, whole denominations have been built around a single scripture or scriptures taken out of context.  This is sad because it propagates the deception to millions of others. 

My wife grew up in a denomination where musical instruments were not allowed.  The scriptural basis for this was a scripture that says: "make melody 'in your hearts' to the Lord."  This particular denomination took the scripture to mean that instruments should not be allowed in worship services?  If that were true, singing would also violate this theory as well...yet they are some of the best singers I've ever heard.  Although I totally respect their form of worship, I don't think they should propagate it as scriptural.

I've also seen denominations who teach that miracles such as healing passed away with the apostles.  Their scriptural basis for this would not stand up in any court of law as evidence to this belief.  Yet, they teach it as divine truth making millions believe that God doesn't reach out to heal any longer.  Interestingly, these same Churches take prayer requests concerning sick members!  Go figure.

The thing these teachings have in common is they "take away" from what scripture makes available to us, rather than adding to it, or it muddies up the waters making scripture confusing.

There are other denominations that teach that "they" are "The Church" and anyone who is not under their authority is 'deceived or an impostor.'  Never-mind the fact that the Bible clearly states: "And God added daily to the Church, those who were being saved."  Man can't add us to the Church, no more than man can save us.  If any Church could save us, then Jesus died in vain...period.  There is only one way to the Father, and it's not through Toledo, Ohio...it is through Jesus Christ alone...not a man...not a Church denomination.

Some denominations even teach that unless you are a member of their Church, you will not go to Heaven.  There is no scriptural evidence to support any of these claims, yet they arrogantly spread this deceit to millions.

My point is this.  I have learned to study the Bible like an investigator who will have to present my 'idea of truth,' in court.  If a lot of evidence points to a certain thing as truth...it probably is.  If the evidence isn't there...in abundance...we've probably misinterpreted.

Although Rattlesnakes may be a quick way to 'wake-up' those who use Sunday mornings as their weekly nap-time, I don't recommend it...nor do I give it any scriptural legitimancy. 

That's like saying, "Because Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, Christians should not use any other form of transportation."

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if God doesn't look down upon us...scratch His head and say "Huh?"

Blessings,

Reydon
8:38 pm cdt 

8/16/2007

RELATIONSHIPS...THE GREATEST INVESTMENT
Sharla, Nathan and I returned from San Jose, California at about 3:30 a.m. Thursday.  We had driven to Alburquerque to catch a flight to attend a funeral service for my great uncle, J.T. McClure.  Due to the hasty travel arrangements we ended up driving the four hours to Alburquerque where we caught a flight to Phoenix and sat through a  two hour layover, then onto to San Jose.  On the return flight we ended up in Salt Lake City, Utah for a four hour layover and then back to Alburquerque for the four hour drive home.  Getting to see these precious people was worth every minute.

We witnessed thousands of people rushing around trying to get to their unique destinations. 

As we were sitting in the San Jose Terminal, Nathan was playing a video game, Sharla was shopping, (her sport of choice), and I was trying to read a Louis L'Amour novel.  Soon, a young lady, (about 20 years old) sat across from me.  Since my life and job is "all about people" I tend to notice lots of things others might not notice.  The young lady was on the verge of tears, trying with everything in her not to burst into what we Texans refer to as a "bawl and squawl."  Of course my heart went out to her.

"Having to say goodbye to someone special?" I smiled and asked her.  She tried to smile back and could only manage to shake her head in the affirmative...the tears beginning to flow.  I asked her if she'd be alright and she once again nodded.  Just then her cell phone rang and apparently it was the person she'd just said goodbye to, because a huge smile came over her face and she really lit up.  It was a nice gesture on the part of the person on the other end of the line.

Watching her for those few moments I thought: "The reason it's so hard to say goodbye, is because you love so much!  Great quality!"

Saying "goodbye" to J.T. was also hard for his family and me.  He had lived 87 years...many of them with horrible back pain from years of hard work.  The reason it was hard to say goodbye?  We love much...great quality.  J.T. invested in a lot of relationships based upon the people who came to celebrate his life and passing into Heaven.  He died a rich man.

You see, you and I were built in the image and likeness of God and God is "all about relationships."  Relationships are investments we make in others...hoping for a return.  God made an incredible investment in us by offering His own Son, hoping to bring us into a loving relationship with Him.  Some respond...others don't.

Now as you know, airports are busy places.  I have a tendency to look into people's faces and if they return that look, I always smile and whisper "hello."  Sometimes they smile back, other times they just look away.  It's the same response God gets often.

I learned long ago, that if I want to have good relationships...life-long relationships...I have to be willing to invest...time...money...and heart.  J.T., his precious wife Delight and their kids have all reached out to me and my family and we have done the same.  We didn't let a little thing like "distance" or being "too busy" stand in our way of a desire to know each other better.  I've tried to do the same with all my family and friends.  The result is that I feel like a very rich man.

Nothing impresses me more, or means as much to me as having an old friend or family member take the time to look me up and make contact with me.  A simple call or an e-mail is so precious to me.

I have found that when people take the time and effort to make these investments into relationships...it is a wonderful and powerful act of love and is extremely fulfilling.

Precious friends...please think about this.  True wealth is not measured in money, accomplishments, degrees or personal success.  It is measured in people who love you...and that you love.

According to statistics, the number one movie of all time is "Citizen Kane."  This is a movie about a man who seeks fulfillment in wealth, success and fame...only to push away any chance of real wealth...lasting relationships.  He alienates everyone around him and dies a lonely old man in an empty castle he built for himself.  Please don't fall into this same trap!

With Love,

Reydon
3:22 pm cdt 

8/11/2007

"O.K. I'm Dead...Now What?"
I once had a Life Insurance salesman tell me, "Reydon, you need this policy in case something ever happens to you."  After a brief pause he said,"Let me put that a different way.  You need this policy because eventually something WILL happen to you."  I had to laugh and I respect a salesman who'll tell the truth.

His first statement however, does reflect the thinking of most people.  That somehow death  happens to other people...not us.

Well, guess what?  I'm also a Life Insurance salesman.  Not the kind that can guarantee your family big sums of money when you become the "dearly departed," but the kind that tries to tell you the truth about the minutes...hours...days...months...years...and eternity that follows your last breath.  I want everyone to know that when we die...something happens.  I want to 'insure life.'

Oh I know that Atheists and Agnostics don't believe in Heaven or Hell and that's their right.  Some people don't believe the Holocaust happened either...but it did.  Some people don't believe we ever landed on the moon...but we did.  I would even venture to say that some people don't believe that the World Trade Center was destroyed by terrorists...but it was.

Our personal beliefs are sacred...both to ourselves and to God.  He allows people to believe in whatever they wish even though He tries desperately to proclaim the truth...not for self promotion...but because He geniunely loves us.

Let's just say (for the sake of argument) that the Atheists are right.  Let's say there is no Heaven and there is no Hell, and that there is no afterlife.  So we die...everything turns black...we rot...story over, no repeats.  If they're right...we lose nothing.  If they're wrong however...hum...somebody should've gotten Life Insurance!  That's were guys like me come in...so...

Now, let's say (for the sake of fairness) the Bible is true.  That would mean that your upcoming appointment with death will be followed by a subsequent meeting...Judgment.  "It is appointed unto man once to die...and after this the Judgment."  (Hebrews 9:27).

At this "court hearing" only one question and answer is decided, which is: "Were you a believer (according to John 3:16) or were you an unbeliever (according to John 3:18)?"  According to scripture this is the definative decision determining where you will spend your time until the "Resurrection of the Dead."

If you're a believer, you'll be with Christ.  If you're a non-believer you'll be placed in the prison for condemned souls...also awaiting the Final Judgment.  This place is referred to as: Hell, Hades, or the grave...all three have Biblical references. 

So then what do believers do after they are "with Christ?"  Well, according to scripture, Jesus is in Heaven 'preparing a place for us, so that we may be with Him."  This "place" is later referred to as New Jerusalem and will be the most phenomenal place ever constructed.  This city is being prepared to 'descend out of Heaven' and become a permanent fixture on the Earth.  According to several "near death" accounts, a great construction project is going on in Heaven and everyone is busy preparing for the great day when the city will come forth.  Sounds good to me! (Sounds better than floating on a cloud strumming a harp or humming to organ music...but hey, that's just me).

According to the Book of Revelation...after all is said and done, Christ will return to the Earth...along with all believers and New Jerusalem will appear.  From there rewards will be given and eternity will become an exciting place of new creations, new births, new lands, crops, etc.  All of this is scriptural.  Cool, huh?
I have the best job ever!

So, in a nutshell, this article is just your friendly neighborhood "Eternal Life Insurance Salesman," making a computer-house-call.
Just a reminder to all that within a hundred years...we'll all know the truth.  (Unless whoever reading this lives to be 120 or so years).

After you're dead...If the scriptures and I are right...you'll thank me!  If I'm wrong and the Atheists and Agnostics are right...you can sue me.

I love you all,

Reydon

P.S. 

Here's proof that "Child-like Faith" pays off.  When I was a kid I believed strongly in Santa Claus.  I got amazing and wonderous gifts!  As I grew up and got "smarter and wiser," I got socks and underwear!  Let this be a warning to all doubters!!!


 
2:03 am cdt 

8/5/2007

THE PROBLEM WITH GOD AS A FATHER
I heard once in a Psychology Class that most people tend to view their relationship with God in the same light as they do their relationship with their own father...this because God is referred to as Our Heavenly Father.

As you can imagine, this poses a psychological problem for some people who have not had a healthy relationship with their natural father. 

The information went on to say that if a person's natural father was a harsh or strict disciplinarian that this person would tend to view God in the same light.  Such a mentality would cause the person to view God as very strict...ready to "pounce in punishment" against the slightest misdeed.  This view of God can result in the person experiencing great anxiety at the thought of Church, death, divine judgment and so forth.  Instead of running to God...most of these people would run away from Him...or live in constant fear of Him.

If a person's natural father was selfish...caring more about himself than his own wife and children, that person would tend to believe that God only cared about having things "His own way," and couldn't care less about their personal needs or desires.  Anyway you can see the point.

Now I've researched and studied psychology for years and I've learned that some of it is extremely healthy knowledge while some of it is just ridiculous...so I don't buy into everything I hear or read.  But in this case, I thought it was an interesting concept so I began to think about my own relationship with my natural dad.

As some of you might know, my mom and dad had five children, of which I am the fifth.  When I was born their marriage was already in serious trouble and at three years old, Dad left for good.  We would see Dad a couple of times per year, but he was busy rebuilding his own life and eventually remarried and raised a daughter.  Mom never remarried.

So...I got to thinking...do I view God as I do Dad?  Interestingly, I began to discover that there were times (before I became a Christian) that I viewed God as disinterested in my personal problems.  Sure I knew He was there...like I knew my Dad was somewhere...only that He was too busy with other things to be concerned with me.  In other words, I viewed God as simply...absent from my personal life.

Now as I say this, I want you to know that my Dad (who is 81) and I have had long conversations recently about lots of things and have made personal amends.  I understand his feelings on the past and respect them.  I'm saying this because I want you to know that I'm writing from my past perspectives...not from the knowledge and understanding I have now.

Of course after I became a Christian, I realized that my personal view of God was not at all accurate.  I learned that God is dynamically concerned with every area of my life and I'm aware of His presence daily.  He is anything but absent.  In fact, He is ever present.

I'm writing this now because I sense that there are some of you who have struggled with your view of God as Father, due to this psychological issue. Maybe your dad was abusive, (verbally or physically), or maybe he was extremely strict, greedy, angry, mean or whatever.  Please let me tell you from experience, that our God is nothing like that.  In truth, He is full of mercy and truth...He is loving and longsuffering...He is even funny and a joy to communicate with.  In many ways...He had taught me how to be a father to my two sons.

Please know that if this journal entry is for you...I understand how you feel and I relate to the pain.  Please know also, that I'm praying that the "True God," will reveal Himself to you as He has to me and that you will discover what a "True Father," is like.

If you had a wonderful Father, I commend him on your behalf! 

With all of that being said, I'm also a Dad these days and know how easy it is to "mess up."  Most Dad's do the best they can...right or wrong and I also commend each one for that.  It's not like they give us an "instruction manual" in the hospital before we take the little creatures home.

Thank you all for your continued support and comments and know that you are an inspiration to me.  I hope you like the new look of our website and that you continue to share it with others.  We have added some new pictures of the family as well.

Multiple Blessings,

Reydon

11:53 pm cdt 

8/2/2007

LOW SELF ESTEEM: THE PERSONAL VILLAIN
This is probably gonna sound 'cheesy,' but I have a memory of being in Jr. High School one day and having a small hole in the crotch of my jeans.  It wasn't that big...maybe the size of a nickel, but it was enough to make for one miserable day.  Today, teens actually 'buy' jeans that way!  Anyway...

Having grown up in a family plagued by poverty...a condition you can't hide very well from society...I didn't want to add to that impression by having my peers witness me wearing jeans...unfit to wear.  So I spent that entire schoolday clinching my skinny legs together, terrified that someone would notice and make fun of me.

Looking back now, I realize that it was no big deal...but to a Jr. High School kid...it was huge.

The reason for these 'tormenting emotions,' is low self esteem.  I call it a personal Villain.

Self esteem is formed in the mind, based upon how we "compare ourselves to others," and by things said or done to us by others...neither of which is reliable as a true picture of who we really are.

1. COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS:  Sure we'd all like to look like the models that grace the front covers of the magazines...who wouldn't?  Sadly, it becomes standard 'mental behavior' for us to compare ourselves to these people and the results of that comparison are usually not pretty.  We quickly see ourselves as too fat...too skinny...too tall...too short...too pale...too dark...nose to long...hair too thin...muscles too weak...etc. 

In the end we see our endeavor to "fit into" this mold as hopeless and can easily wind up in self destructive behaviors...such as over-eating or other bad habits...thinking, "Well, I'm already fat, so I might as well just give up and eat everything."  Or, we jump into unhealthy relationships thinking, "Yeah, he might be a loser and abuser, but if I don't grab onto him, I might never find anyone else."

The bottom line however is that...God intentionally created you different!  We all have different voices, different faces, different DNA, different fingerprints and so forth.  We were created unique yet something inside our head draws us into the trap of trying to compete and be like those we admire...or in some weird cases...like those we hate.

Actually, it's a good thing we are different and not like milk cows.  They all look the same.  Imagine being in love with someone who looks identical to you...with the exception of having a few 'spots' where you don't.  If I had to wake up every morning, roll over and see a wife that looked just like me...wow, I'd be a Eunich!

The obvious answer is to "not" compare ourselves to others.  This is mentally dangerous and is not what God has planned for you.

2.  ACCEPTING THE WORDS AND ACTIONS OF MAN:  You probably already know this, but many people are cruel.  They'll say and do anything to "knock you down," or "put you into your place."  A "place" by the way that they have judged for you, not God.

In my position I always have people saying or doing things that leave me with certain impressions of myself.  Some of them are good...others are not.

My friends...please don't ever let someone (other than God) define you or label you.  Society has all kinds of words that define and label people...harsh, harsh words like "whore, fag, jerk, stupid, retard, etc."  These words are inspired by Satan, I tell you, and should never be accepted or offered by Christians.

The answer for low self esteem is actually pretty simple.  Replace it with "Christ Esteem."  In other words, you are who God says you are...not what other people say...or even yourself.  God calls you His child.  He purchased you with the precious blood of Jesus, signaling your true worth.  If that's true...it doesn't really matter what others think does it?  Not in terms of eternity.

My precious brothers and sisters, take a long look at what you truly think about yourself.  If those thoughts are opposite of what God says about you...throw em' out.  Allow the value that God places upon you to fill you with self honor and joy.

Blessings,

Reydon

4:23 pm cdt 

8/1/2007

Depression: A Real Killer
 

Did you know that depression is the number one reason for suicide and that suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in America?  These are staggering statistics.  Thousands of people commit suicide yearly in America finding no alternative to their pain.  As one person put it, "I don't want to die...it just hurts too much to live."


Suicide, of course, is devastating to all involved leaving years or even a lifetime of pain to those left behind.


According to Psychology there are basically two forms of depression: Cognitive and Clinical.  Cognitive depression is the result of painful events in a person's life such as divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a career, financial problems and so forth.  This kind of depression is a natural, emotional and mental reaction to these types of events.  Thankfully, with time and talking, this type of depression usually goes away on its own.


Clinical depression however is a much stronger form of depression because it involves a medical illness that can be difficult to treat.  Clinical depression is caused by a "mix-up" in brain chemistry causing the brain to function abnormally, leaving the victim feeling depressed for long periods of time.  This is caused by an imbalance of a serum the body produces called "Seratonin." Much like Sugar Diabetes, this imbalance can wreck havoc upon the human body, particularly the mind.


Although Medical Science has come a long way in helping to treat Clinical Depression, they are yet to find a cure.  Instead they work to focus on the symptoms with the use of Anti-Depressants or Anti-Anxiety medications.  These medicines have helped millions cope with their illness but the treatment requires great patience and determination.  Sometimes the side effects of these medicines can be unpleasant and sometimes it takes trying several different ones before finding the right one.  This sad fact alone has caused many to give up on their treatment.


Clinical Depression is not a disease of the weak either.  It can attack the healthiest and strongest individuals driving them to utter despair.  President Abraham Lincoln was known to have experienced deep bouts of clinical depression his entire adult life.  This illness is not selective.  Most scientists now believe that it is inherited.


Whatever the cause, depression always has the same result.  It slowly deprives its sufferers of the joy of everyday living.


If you are experiencing depression, I pray that you will seek out and find the help you so richly deserve.  Your life is worth it.  You're not weak, you're not crazy.  You just need a little help...and who doesn't.

2:16 am cdt 


Archive Newer       

webassets/2782230578_6cd1ca9831_b11.jpg

Home
THE NEED TO ADDRESS STRESS
RECEIVE UPDATES!!!
MAKING EFFECTIVE CHANGES
THE PAIN OF GRIEF
THE SELF ESTEEM KILLER
THE RUNAWAY MIND
EXPENDING NERVOUS ENERGY
Delusional Thinking
LETTING GO OF LOST LOVE
"Conformity: Self-Esteem Killer"
THE PASSIONLESS MARRIAGE
ADDICTIONS
SELF-INDUCED STRESS
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
STRESS RELIEF
THE PAIN OF REJECTION
RELATIONSHIP DIFFICULTIES
NOTE TO PASTORAL COUNSELORS
DEPRESSION
LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
Anxiety
FEAR AND MANIA
MENTAL ILLNESS
GUILT AND SELF-CONDEMNATION
BITTERNESS
PARENTING ISSUES
*LONELINESS*
EMOTIONAL TURMOIL
COUNSELOR'S PAGE (FOR COUNSELORS)
The Pain of Divorce
GRIEF RECOVERY
PERSONALITY ISSUES
About Reydon
Contact Info
Disclaimer
*WHY AM I SO ANGRY?